I who have never known men: written letter to "The Child"

By Jacqueline Harpman 

Published in 1995 originally in French, translated by  Ros Schwartz

" To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering"- Friedrich Nietzsche 

I recognize that you may not be able to read this, but I want to express something profound, akin to the respect you felt for the man who passed away with dignity in the chamber. You sought to honor his memory, ensuring that as long as you exist, he would be remembered. In a similar vein, I am extending that same honor to you. Many people argue about the essence of living—whether it involves worshiping a higher power, transcending the ordinary, or embracing one's true self without concern for societal judgments regarding sexuality and gender identity. Yet, you were deprived of these experiences, embodying the very question that stirs endless debate: "What does it mean to live? What does it mean to be human?" You traversed the world burdened with unanswered questions, and even if your life mirrored mine in some aspects, the fundamental inquiries would remain unresolved.

In your solitude, it became evident that many of the daily constructs people rely on—like the passage of time and the changes of puberty—held little significance for you. You existed in a realm devoid of clocks, yet you fashioned your own sense of time. As someone who merely existed, was life the most challenging experience for you? Despite acquiring knowledge without apparent purpose, did you ever question whether life was truly worth living? It seems you discovered meaning in the minutiae of existence, yet the realization that you lacked a grand purpose felt akin to drowning, as if searching for significance in your writings was like plunging deeper into an ocean without the ability to swim. Your narrative leaves me pondering; I have attempted to conform to societal expectations, which has only led to mental and physical anguish. Now, I strive to embrace my truth, though I remain uncertain of what that entails, merely existing in a state of painful awareness. The suffering feels endless, yet amidst this turmoil, I found beauty in learning from your story, even if you struggle to articulate what that beauty means. 

Is it not dreadful to navigate life without a clear understanding of your emotions or experiences? If given the chance, would you choose to be part of my world? 

If you had the chance to step into my world, would you embrace it, or would the weight of responsibility deter you? What does it truly mean to exist when life has slipped away? Your reflections on time resonate deeply, particularly the notion that time is defined by the presence of others and the conversations we share. It struck me that the most intriguing aspect of your narrative is the paradox of your existence; in a realm where no one engages with your story, you fade into oblivion, yet in my world, your words continue to breathe life, ensuring your presence endures. You may have never encountered men, but why does that absence hold such significance? Could it be that destiny has cast you as an experiment in this grand tapestry of life?

- Jayce odufuwa

The book I who have never known men makes you wonder so many different possibilities on life and why we exist you should consider reading it. I give this book a 5 star 

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book reviews

    Cleopatra and Frankenstein by Coco Mellors

⭐⭐⭐

Genre: Humor/ Urban fiction

My feelings about this book:

while I was in Texas at the beginning of august, I went to barnes and noble with my mom I walked in and felt at home and whole, it didn't take me long to find good books but it was hard to choose which one to buy I end up with 6 books in my arms I got rid of 3 it was soo painfull, But I was still satisfied, when reading this book I heard on tiktok that it was really good well I was hoping it was good. Its ok, thats why I gave it a 3 star its funny and vary relatible plus I like how it can be hard to be married and in relationships in general but I got bored in the end. But the way it was written is nice there are parts in the book were we see peoples out side perspective on the relationship between cleo and frank

Content warning: This novel includes discussions of drug abuse and death by suicide.

Summery:

Cleopatra and Frankenstein (2022) is Coco Mellors’s debut novel and is currently being adapted into a television series by Warner Bros, Inc. The novel explores modern love, the pressures and debauchery of the wealthy, and the conflict between youth and age. Written mostly in third person, Cleopatra and Frankenstein centers on 24-year-old Cleo and 45-year-old Frank, two broken people who find one another in a passionate and loving fling. With secondary characters to bring diverse perspectives to the novel’s central themes, Mellors creates a glittery Manhattan world that looks pretty but is rotting from the inside.

Thus spoke Zarathustra ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

By Friedrich Nietzsche

Genre: poetry, philosophical fiction

My feelings about this book:

This book has 4prts to it, I am wanting to go indepth on the book because I feel like you can't just read this book and give a small summary could just be me, this book really makes u think its my 1st philosophical book I have read, I have so much to say but I am going to save it for later, I will write about all 4prts separate from each other telling u what I learned and did or didn't like.

Summary

It tells the story of the prophet Zarathustra, who returns to civilization after ten years of solitude to share his teachings with others. He tells them about his theory of the heroic “Übermensch” and explores themes such as the death of God, the will to power, and the meaning of life.

A child called it by Dave pelzer 

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 

Genre: Memoir

My feelings on the book:

This book brought a lot of memories from when I was a child not the physical abuse but  verbal abuse and emotions from just people all around me. It opened my eyes to mental health. Dave's mom for years abused him for reasons we don't understand Dave does bring up a part on how she was depressed but some have also said it could be BPD, either way this book was good and brought tears to my eyes, I felt connected to Dave in the book and it brought me so many emotions.

 

Summary

 It is the story of Dave Pelzer, who was brutally beaten and starved by his emotionally unstable, alcoholic mother: a mother who played tortuous, unpredictable games--games that left him nearly dead. I also want to go in depth with this one to.

Detransition baby by Torrey peters

Genre: 

I have not read it yet but when I do I will let you know how I like it. I got this book for my birthday from my dad so I'm vary excited for this book.

Summary

Detransition, Baby’ by Torrey Peters is a literary novel about a relationship between a transgender woman called Reese and a former transgender woman called Ames. The two have broken up from their lesbian relationship (ostensibly because Ames detransitioned), but neither of them has really moved on. When Ames accidentally impregnates his boss, (cis-gendered, mixed-race Katrina) he suggests the three of them can be unconventional co-parents. As the book goes back in time to Reese and Ames’s former relationship, recounting the reasons why they broke up, it hinges on the question of whether this idea for an unconventional family could actually work.

Page boy by elliot page

Genre: Memoir

I have read this before but I want to read it again to see if I still like it because its been awhile, I'll  let u know how I like it.

Summary

tells the heartwarming story of Elliot Page's journey towards self-discovery and gender identity. Here's why this book is definitely worth reading: With candid honesty, it explores the complexities of gender identity, offering a unique and important perspective on the subject.

Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica

Genre: Distopian/ psychological fiction

I have not read this book, but I have heard its disturbing and good so can't wait to tell u how I like it

Summary

Tender is the Flesh is a dystopian novel by Agustina Bazterrica that was originally published in Spanish in 2017 and translated into English in 2020. The story takes place in a post-pandemic world where a virus has made all animal meat unsafe to eat, and the government permits the breeding and slaughtering of humans for consumption. The novel follows Marcos, a manager at a meat processing plant, as he struggles to reconcile his humanity with his understanding of the law and the brutality of the process. 

Say nothing by Patrick Radden Keefe

Genre: True crime/ biography

Have not read this yet

Summary

Say Nothing  explores a shocking true story of murder during the Northern Ireland Conflict. These blinks are a compelling meditation on one of the darkest chapters of Irish history, and shine a light on some of the key figures in the conflict as well as the period's most notorious atrocities.

The escape artist by Jonathan freedland 

Genre: Biography

Summary

Jonathan Freedland tells the story of Rudolf Vrba, one of the first Jewish people to escape from Auschwitz, with a novelist's verve. Share this Article: As World War II recedes further into the past, Jonathan Freedland has revived one story from the Holocaust that's both historically significant and a riveting read.

Segregation still here: Examining Division within the LGBTQ Community

                                                               JOIN TOBEFREE    

In recent years, the LGBTQ community has made significant strides towards equality and acceptance. However, despite these advancements, there are still pockets of division and segregation within the community itself. While we may present a united front to the outside world, the reality is that issues such as race, gender identity, and socio-economic status can create rifts within our community.

One of the most glaring examples of segregation within the LGBTQ community is the divide between cisgender gay men and transgender individuals. This division has been brought to light in recent years by the controversy surrounding the exclusion of transgender individuals in certain LGBTQ spaces and events. Many argue that this exclusion is a form of discrimination and perpetuates a hierarchy within the community that marginalizes transgender individuals.

Another source of division within the LGBTQ community is the lack of representation and recognition of queer people of color. Mainstream LGBTQ narratives often prioritize the experiences of white, middle-to-upper class individuals, leaving communities of color feeling overlooked and marginalized. In addition, the fetishization of people of color within the LGBTQ community further reinforces harmful stereotypes and perpetuates segregation.

Furthermore, the issue of class within the LGBTQ community cannot be ignored. While some individuals may have the means to access LGBTQ-inclusive spaces and resources, others may struggle to make ends meet and face additional barriers to acceptance and support. This economic disparity can further exacerbate existing divisions within the community.

It is crucial for professionals within the LGBTQ community to acknowledge and address these sources of segregation. In order to truly achieve equality and acceptance, we must work towards creating a more inclusive and intersectional community that uplifts all individuals, regardless of their race, gender identity, or socio-economic status.

One way to combat segregation within the LGBTQ community is through education and advocacy. Professionals can work to raise awareness about the importance of inclusivity and diversity within the community, while also advocating for policies and initiatives that promote equality for all individuals. Additionally, creating spaces and resources that cater to the needs of marginalized groups within the LGBTQ community can help bridge the divide and foster a more united and supportive community.

In conclusion, while the LGBTQ community has made great strides towards equality, there is still work to be done to address segregation and division within our own ranks. By acknowledging and actively working to combat these sources of segregation, we can create a more inclusive and supportive community for all individuals.

As professionals within the LGBTQ community, it is our duty to champion diversity and inclusivity, and to work towards a future where all individuals are embraced and accepted for who they are. Only then can we truly say that segregation is a thing of the past within the LGBTQ community. 

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What living in the past does to you: how to over come your past.

What Living in Your Past Does to You: How to Overcome Your Past

As human beings, we often find ourselves caught in the web of time. While the present is where life is lived, many of us inevitably tether ourselves to the shadows of our past. Whether it's a beautiful memory that brings warmth to our hearts or a painful regret that weighs us down, our history can shape us in profound ways. But what does living in your past really do to you, and how can we liberate ourselves from its grip?

The Weight of Regret

Living in the past often manifests itself in the form of regret. This sentiment can cling to us like an unwelcome guest, fostering feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness. When we focus on what we could have done differently, we risk poisoning our present moments with bitterness. Regret can lead to chronic dissatisfaction, isolating us from the joys that our current lives have to offer. 

Moreover, dwelling on past mistakes can stifle our personal growth. When we are preoccupied with how we may have failed, we may neglect the opportunities for learning and self-improvement that arise in our day-to-day lives. Instead of moving forward, we may find ourselves spiraling into a cycle of negativity.

Nostalgia: A Double-Edged Sword

Remembering the past is not inherently detrimental. Nostalgia can serve as a source of comfort and inspiration. Yet, if we romanticize what was and neglect the realities of what is, we may become trapped in a longing for a bygone era. This fixation can rob us of our ability to appreciate the present, leading to dissatisfaction and despair.

For many, the allure of nostalgia creates a powerful pull, convincing them that happiness can only be found in the moments they once experienced. However, holding on tightly to the past can hinder us from creating new memories and connections, keeping us stuck in a cycle of longing rather than living.

How Living in the Past Affects Mental Health

When we live in the past, our mental health can suffer as a result. Chronic rumination can lead to anxiety and depression, while the inability to forgive ourselves for past mistakes can result in decreased self-esteem. Therapist Dr. Marsha Linehan points to the importance of living in the "here and now" as a cornerstone of mental wellbeing. When we cling to the past, we inherently neglect the autonomy we possess in shaping our current reality.

Ways to Overcome Your Past

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: The first step in breaking free from the chains of your past is acknowledging how it makes you feel. Whether it’s grief, regret, or nostalgia, giving voice to your emotions is crucial. Journaling or talking with a trusted friend can help you process what you’re experiencing.

2. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness enables you to focus on the present moment. Techniques such as meditation and grounding exercises can help draw your attention away from the past and reaffirm your existence in the now. Small practices, like counting your breaths or observing your surroundings, can significantly shift your conscious focus.

3. Set New Goals: Redirecting your energy toward setting new, achievable goals can help anchor you in the present. By finding new pursuits, whether it's picking up a hobby or advancing in your career, you create a driving force that propels you forward rather than backward.

4. Seek Support: Sometimes, the burden of the past is too heavy to bear alone. Professional therapy can provide valuable insights and coping strategies. Speaking with a mental health professional can empower you to develop healthier thought patterns and strategies to address lingering issues.

5. Forgive Yourself: Letting go of the past often requires an act of self-forgiveness. Understand that making mistakes is part of being human. Accepting this fact allows you to free yourself from the internal struggles that arise from holding onto guilt or disappointment. 

6. Focus on Gratitude: Cultivating an attitude of gratitude can help shift your perspective. By acknowledging the positive aspects of your current life and the lessons learned from your past experiences, you open the door to contentment.

7. Create New Memories: Engage in activities that spark joy and connection. Letting go of the past also means creating new experiences that can form the foundation of a happier and more fulfilling future. Spend time with loved ones, explore new places, or simply indulge in your passion projects.

Conclusion

While our past undeniably shapes who we are, it does not have to dictate our future. Living in the past can hold us back from embracing the beauty of the present. By acknowledging our feelings, practicing mindfulness, and exploring new avenues for growth and enjoyment, we can liberate ourselves from the clutches of yesterday. The first step toward overcoming your past starts with the understanding that the power to write your story lies in your hands, here and now. Embrace the present, for it is in this very moment that life truly unfolds. 

Ways of letting go of the past 

why holding on to the past is hurting your future 

How to let go of the past for relationships/regret

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can you naturaly transition? why or why not

Trans* individuals face a myriad of challenges in their everyday lives, including navigating social settings where they may not feel accepted or understood. One particular area of concern for many trans* individuals is the process of transitioning in a natural or authentic way. The concept of natural transitioning refers to the idea of transitioning without the use of medical interventions, such as hormone therapy or surgery. Instead, individuals may choose to transition socially or through changes in appearance and presentation.

While natural transitioning may work for some individuals, it is not always a feasible or safe option for all trans* individuals. There are a variety of factors that can impact an individual's ability to transition naturally, including financial limitations, access to healthcare, personal beliefs and preferences, and societal pressures.

For many trans* individuals, medical interventions such as hormone therapy and surgery are essential components of their transition process. These interventions can help individuals align their physical characteristics with their gender identity and alleviate gender dysphoria, a clinically significant distress that occurs when a person's assigned gender at birth does not align with their gender identity.

In addition to their physical benefits, medical interventions can also have positive impacts on a trans* individual's mental health and quality of life. Research has shown that trans* individuals who undergo hormone therapy and surgery experience improvements in their overall well-being, including reduced rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidality.

For trans* individuals who do not have access to medical interventions or choose not to pursue them, natural transitioning may still be an option. Social transitioning, which involves changes in name, pronouns, and presentation, can be a powerful way for individuals to affirm their gender identity and feel more comfortable in their own skin. However, social transitioning can also come with its own set of challenges, including discrimination, harassment, and rejection from friends, family, and society at large.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue natural transitioning or medical interventions is a deeply personal one that should be made in consultation with healthcare providers, therapists, and other trusted professionals. It is important for trans* individuals to have access to comprehensive healthcare services that address their unique needs and support them throughout the transition process.

In conclusion, natural transitioning is not always a simple or straightforward option for trans* individuals. While some may be able to navigate their gender identity without the use of medical interventions, many others rely on hormone therapy and surgery to feel more authentically themselves. It is crucial for professionals working with trans* individuals to be knowledgeable about the various options available for transitioning and to provide compassionate, affirming care that respects each individual's unique journey. By supporting trans* individuals in their transition process, we can help promote health, well-being, and equality for all. 

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Being trans and religious: am I calling God a liar when saying I'm trans ?

 This is a deeply philosophical and theological question, and responses can vary greatly depending on individual beliefs and religious interpretations.

Being a transgender individual and having strong religious beliefs can sometimes feel like navigating a complex and challenging terrain. The intersection of gender identity and faith can often raise questions and doubts within oneself, especially when it comes to how one's identity aligns with their religious beliefs. One common question that may arise for transgender individuals who are religious is whether they are calling God a liar by embracing their gender identity.

For many transgender individuals, coming to terms with their identity is a deeply personal and spiritual journey. It can be a process of self-discovery and acceptance that may bring about conflicting feelings when it comes to religious beliefs. Some religious teachings may not be accepting of transgender identities, which can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and confusion.

The idea of calling God a liar when affirming one's gender identity as a transgender individual stems from the belief that God has created individuals in a certain way and that deviating from that design is an act of defiance against Him. However, it is important to understand that transgender individuals do not choose their gender identity; it is an inherent aspect of who they are.

Many religious traditions emphasize the importance of love, compassion, and acceptance towards others. It is crucial to remember that being true to oneself and embracing one's gender identity is not a contradiction to one's faith. It is about living authentically and being true to one's innermost self.

It is essential for transgender individuals who are religious to seek support and affirmation from within their communities. Finding a religious community that is inclusive and accepting can provide a sense of belonging and understanding. It is important to remember that God's love is unconditional and that He embraces all individuals, regardless of their gender identity.

Transgender individuals who are religious may find solace and guidance in prayer, meditation, and spiritual practices. Connecting with a higher power can provide comfort and strength during moments of doubt and confusion. It is essential to nurture one's faith and spiritual well-being while navigating the complexities of being transgender.

In conclusion, being transgender and religious is a unique experience that can bring about feelings of confusion and doubt. However, it is essential to remember that embracing one's gender identity is not a betrayal of one's faith. It is about living authentically and honoring one's true self. Seeking support from within one's religious community and cultivating a strong connection with a higher power can help transgender individuals find peace and acceptance within themselves. Ultimately, being true to oneself is a testament to God's love and acceptance for all individuals, regardless of their gender identity.

It's important to approach such discussions with sensitivity and respect for diverse beliefs and experiences. If you're exploring this topic for personal reasons, seeking guidance from trusted religious or spiritual leaders, as well as engaging in open and respectful dialogue, can be helpful. 

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How to Deal with Your Trans Siblings: A Journey of Acceptance

Trans* individuals face unique challenges in society, including discrimination, violence, and lack of understanding from their peers and family members. One particular aspect of being transgender that can be especially difficult is how family members, particularly siblings, react and adjust to their loved one coming out as transgender.

For many individuals, discovering that their sibling is transgender can be a shock. They may have grown up with their sibling and viewed them a certain way for their entire lives, only to learn that their sibling identifies as a different gender than what they were assigned at birth. This revelation can be difficult for some individuals to process, as it challenges their preconceived notions of gender and identity.

It is important for individuals to approach their trans siblings with compassion, understanding, and an open mind. It is crucial to remember that being trans* is not a choice, but rather a deeply ingrained aspect of a person's identity. By showing love and support for their sibling, individuals can help them feel accepted and valued for who they truly are.

One common reaction that individuals may have when their sibling comes out as trans* is denial. Some may struggle to accept their sibling's gender identity, clinging to the idea that their sibling is still the same person they have always known. This denial can be harmful to the trans sibling, as it invalidates their identity and perpetuates feelings of shame and rejection.

Other individuals may react with curiosity or confusion when their sibling comes out as trans*. They may have questions about what it means to be trans*, how their sibling came to realize their gender identity, and what steps they plan to take in their transition. While it is important to educate oneself about trans* issues, it is also important to respect the privacy and boundaries of the trans* sibling. They may not feel comfortable discussing such personal matters with their family members, and it is essential to honor their wishes.

One of the most important ways that individuals can support their trans* siblings is by using the correct name and pronouns. By affirming their sibling's gender identity and using the name and pronouns that they have chosen, individuals can show respect and validation for their sibling's identity. It is important to make a conscious effort to consistently use the correct name and pronouns, even when talking to others about their sibling.

In addition to using the correct name and pronouns, individuals can also support their trans* siblings by advocating for their rights and inclusion in society. This may involve speaking out against discrimination and violence targeting trans* individuals, supporting legislation that protects trans* rights, and educating others about trans* issues. By being a vocal ally for their trans* sibling, individuals can help create a more accepting and inclusive world for all trans* individuals.

Ultimately, how individuals deal with their trans* siblings can have a significant impact on their sibling's well-being and happiness. By showing love, acceptance, and support for their trans* siblings, individuals can help them feel valued, respected, and affirmed in their gender identity. It is important for individuals to educate themselves about trans* issues, listen to their sibling's needs and experiences, and be a supportive ally in their journey towards self-acceptance and empowerment. 

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